The air is jubilant. Euphoria is spreading like a pandemic. Crowds gather at street corners twitching with nervous glee. It’s that time of year again: the 21st of February where we celebrate the birth of our great leader and his unrivalled anti-imperialism. Bob’s birthday is a cause for national celebration, a time when we forget our 80% unemployment rate and all those other boring statistics. Because the 21st February is to Zimbabwe what carnival is to Brazil. And there are so many reasons to celebrate it.
Firstly, Bob’s birthday may be declared a national holiday. Our tireless ZANU-PF Youth League comrades are campaigning for the 21st of February to be celebrated in the same manner South Africa commemorates Nelson Mandela day. Considering the sell-out Mandela only lasted in power for one term and handed over it is actually more fitting that Bob should have an entire week as national holiday considering his undeniable staying power. And if we can’t find an available day in the calendar then we will just take over some imperialist holiday like Christmas and give that to Bob. He is the chosen one after all.
Secondly, we have major reason to celebrate because Bob’s birthday bash is set to have a massive feast with elephants on the menu. Also on the menu we have - thanks to a donation from a local farmer - two Cape buffaloes, two sable antelopes, five impalas and a trophy lion for the birthday bash. Our leaders will be banqueting in style as we develop our own indigenous alternatives to prawns and caviar. Trophy lion anyone? So let the tourists come here and go to national parks to enjoy our Big Five while we enjoy them in the comfort of our local restaurants.
Finally, a major reason to celebrate Bob’s birthday is that it is always a success. Western detractors and opposition sell-outs always deride ZANU-PF as having failed in all its projects and policies. They lampoon ZimAsset and attack the Land Reform programme. However they cannot attack the 21st February Movement as it is without doubt the ruling party’s most successful project. ZANU-PF begins planning a year ahead for the big day, much fun is had and thousands are fed. Just imagine what we could achieve if Bob’s birthday was every day.
Firstly, Bob’s birthday may be declared a national holiday. Our tireless ZANU-PF Youth League comrades are campaigning for the 21st of February to be celebrated in the same manner South Africa commemorates Nelson Mandela day. Considering the sell-out Mandela only lasted in power for one term and handed over it is actually more fitting that Bob should have an entire week as national holiday considering his undeniable staying power. And if we can’t find an available day in the calendar then we will just take over some imperialist holiday like Christmas and give that to Bob. He is the chosen one after all.
Secondly, we have major reason to celebrate because Bob’s birthday bash is set to have a massive feast with elephants on the menu. Also on the menu we have - thanks to a donation from a local farmer - two Cape buffaloes, two sable antelopes, five impalas and a trophy lion for the birthday bash. Our leaders will be banqueting in style as we develop our own indigenous alternatives to prawns and caviar. Trophy lion anyone? So let the tourists come here and go to national parks to enjoy our Big Five while we enjoy them in the comfort of our local restaurants.
Finally, a major reason to celebrate Bob’s birthday is that it is always a success. Western detractors and opposition sell-outs always deride ZANU-PF as having failed in all its projects and policies. They lampoon ZimAsset and attack the Land Reform programme. However they cannot attack the 21st February Movement as it is without doubt the ruling party’s most successful project. ZANU-PF begins planning a year ahead for the big day, much fun is had and thousands are fed. Just imagine what we could achieve if Bob’s birthday was every day.