Three hundred thousand people are gathered in Harare. No-one had predicted the huge numbers. The police are taken aback. Ground shaking. People screaming. Security struggling to cope with the swelling crowd. And then it erupts. Uncontrollably the crowd surges forward. Just a few kilometres away another rowdy crowd has amassed, chanting, dancing and soon breaks out into a violent, bloody riot.
Is this the revolution, comrades? Have the people finally risen in Harare? No. The revolution was happening down the road at Africa Unity Square with an awe-inspiring gathering of nine guys demanding that Bob resigns. They proceeded to get heavily beaten by power-drunk riot police. The three hundred thousand person gathering was an all night prayer by Prophet Walter Magaya in Waterfalls while the thousands of others were revellers streaming into the Sting dancehall show at City Sports Centre.
But that’s the problem with these Occupy Africa Unity Square guys – they don’t have any celebrities on the line up and no glossy posters advertising the revolution. They could have booked one of our pastors preaching prosperity. Maybe Makandiwa or Uebert Angel? And if they couldn’t get a pastor at least get us Tocky Vibes or Seh Calaz. Then we would come. How much are beers by the way? Is there five dollar holy water?
Because politics is boring. What kind of role models are there anyway? One of them sleeps around too much and the other seems to want to die in power and run dairy farms. At least our new prophets can do things. Prophet Uebert Angel is so godly that he has a Lamborghini. And we think that Soul Jah Love is the second coming.
Yes, Zimbabwe is a nation divided. Polarised. We are split into two parties: Religion and Alcohol. Half of us flock to open fields and closed churches on the weekend. The other half congregate at the local bottle store and dancehall gig. Our opulent prophets inspire us that maybe we can drive a Range Rover in the after life. And our mesmerizing dancehall artists help us to forget our poverty.
So, Itai Dzamara, keep your Africa Unity Square! We’ll keep praying and fighting each other and waiting for the after life. Hallelujah! Hauite!